Bridal Breakdown

Yesterday I received my bridal portraits from the photographer. He did an incredible job with the photos and I couldn't ask for a better photographer. His subject, however, I was completely upset with. That subject = me.

Last minute I decided to wear my hair down, a good decision, but I wore it curly, which is completely unnatural for me. My makeup, which I told the artist to make smoky eyes, began to smear a bit with the heat and it was just way too much. Basically, I think I wanted to be a little more glamorous then I really needed to be.

The dress, which I have been fighting with or a while, just didn't photograph on me like I would have liked and my qualms about it in general are now more prevalent then ever. While I am not as toned as I would like to be, I have lost a little weight ... in my boobs. In some of the pics I look like I fill out the dress, and in others I totally don't. After a hefty amount (and cost) of alterations, I'm pretty disappointed that it didn't fit me a little better.

I guess the whole process has made me realize how much pressure I've been putting on not only myself, but this wedding in general. I have lost focus of what the day is truly about and am letting these little things upset me way too much. I sit here tearing up as I say this because Miss Hydrangea is thoroughly disappointed in herself for letting it all get this far.

Today, I'm going to start really enjoying this process and not let the small stuff get to me. This is about Mr. H and I wanting to spend the rest of our lives together, nothing more, nothing less.

I want to share with you some of the pics from my photographer, Cesar Perez, and his wife, Tanya, because they are truly great to work with. After hearing how I felt about how I looked, he immediately offered to do another shoot for me, whether I choose to get a new dress or keep the one that I have. His support and understanding is truly admirable since I'm sure it's not the best thing in the world to hear that a bride you photographed is unhappy with her pics (again, I reiterate, because of the way I chose to style myself for the pics, but not the pics themselves).

Even now, as I look back through them, the way I look is starting to grow on me. I think that, with the advice of some of our fellow Bees, I just needed to take a step back and look at the pictures from another perspective, and not be so self-critical.